by David Capel
When is a vuvuzela not a vuvuzela? More to the point, when is a vuvuzela a pennywhistle?
Well, there’s good news, and there’s bad news. The bad news is that vuvuzelas are here to stay. The good news is that, thanks to the ingenious discovery of Dr Bruce Copely, internationally acclaimed holistic “edutainer” and the man who pioneered corporate drumming in South Africa, the maddening buzz of vuvuzelas can now be transformed into the mellifluous, serene sounds of a pennywhistle in a few easy steps.
But let’s take our cue from Julie Andrews, and start at the very beginning.
Dr Copely, a highly regarded music expert from Pringle Bay, in the Western Cape, says he was “so concerned at the mounting evidence that the vuvuzela poses a real threat to the human hearing apparatus” that he decided to do something about it.
He says the way vuvuzelas are conventionally played (if played, indeed, is the word) simply generates “white noise”, and there is nothing musical about it.
“Most soccer fans have a great sense of rhythm and melody and I sensed that if they were aware of what beautiful sounds could be created they would be very happy and quickly be able to transform it into a rainbow vuvuzela he says.
This transformation does not involve any modification to the instrument itself but simply the way it is positioned and played.
“Instead of sealing the mouth as one does with a trumpet (the vuvuzela is a valueless trumpet or bugle) it is held at an angle like a flute,” Dr Copely explains.
“Without exception everyone who has seen this, such as Cape Town Tourism, the Department of Sport and Recreation, Dr Henning Gericke, the Bafana Bafana psychologist, Muizenberg High School, hundreds of coal mine managers and many others, have been very surprised, delighted and, dare I say, relieved to see what is possible,” says Dr Copely.
He says there is no doubt about the harmful effects of vuvuzelas on the human ear. “Hearing damage can be serious. A recent study by the Communications Pathology department at Pretoria University has provided some very alarming scientific evidence that I feel cannot just be ignored,” he says.
Bruce has worked with hundreds of people and “within minutes they can begin to create a large range of sounds and notes. We also have an astonishing new instrument – the Clarytone – which, when played with the Vuvuzela, creates real music”.
Dr Copley only made the discovery a few weeks ago and his objective now is to bring it to the attention of as many people as possible through radio, newspapers, television and the internet.
“We are going to be putting a clip on YouTube in the next few days for people to see and hear the rainbow vuvuzela. We are also using the beautiful Kelpvuvus that are being locally produced and made from kelp generously donated by nature on our beaches”.
He points out that the use of the Vuvuzela at stadiums during the 2009 Confederation Cup in South Africa elicited a very negative response from many players, officials and tens of thousands of spectators.
Because of this outcry FIFA seriously considered banning the use of the Vuvuzela during the 2010 World Cup, but eventually decided against doing this.
He warns that if the Vuvuzela is played as it has been in the past, “there can be little doubt that large numbers of spectators will incur hearing damage, high levels of irritation, emotional stress and anger, even for those wearing ear protection”.
Indeed, there is “an ominously strong possibility that our World Cup could go down in history as the most unpleasant ‘white noise’ event ever staged anywhere in the world,” he says.
Thousands of fans across South Africa, and the world, will be hoping more and more people listen (pardon the pun) to Dr Copely’s discovery. If his brainchild takes off, it will be music to their ears…